


identity

by tsundere



Category: EXO (Band)
Genre: Gen, Gen or Pre-Slash, Pre-debut, family!fic, when exo-k was a thing
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-05-18
Updated: 2012-05-18
Packaged: 2021-02-26 05:54:56
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,045
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21698836
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tsundere/pseuds/tsundere
Summary: based on kyungsoo's persistent 'I'm the mom' talks.
Kudos: 7





	identity

“You're not my mom, you know,” Baekhyun huffs out, his breath ghosting over Kyungsoo's knee.

This is how it goes.

///

The one thing his mother never forgets to tell him is 'you need to take care of your health, baby. Keep clean, eat well and rest easy'. Doesn't matter how short their phone conversations are, or how late, she never forgets to remind him to take care of himself. His dad, on the other hand, never forgets to mention to use less salt in every dish and to pack on the fiber.

So he never really forgets.

And eats a lot of bread.

///

the cooking comes naturally to him. It's not that everyone else is especially kitchen-challenged, but he is exceptionally kitchen-talented so one thing leads to another which leads to another and very soon, he is dubbed The Cook. He doesn't mind it, far from it really, and there's something about the practiced motions he follows in the kitchen that's relaxing after a long day of rehearsal and schedule.

One day, it becomes Kyungsoo's Kitchen.

Kyungsoo's counters, Kyungsoo's fridge, Kyungsoo's pantry, Kyungsoo's spatula, Kyungsoo's floors, ingredients, pots, and pans. (They alternate cleaning the dishes, but that's the only thing they're allowed to touch.)

Several days before their official debut, Joonmyun gifts him a black and white, checkered apron. Two pockets stitched on the front for convenience, and with yellow smiley faces that someone drew in a couple of the white boxes. “I thought you'd like something that wasn't so girly,” Suho explains and he looks sort of awkward standing there and holding a folded apron. “I just...wanted to show my appreciation. You know...I'm not that great of a cook so...ah...I'm grateful you are, and are willing to cook for us all the time.”

It's actually a bit startling, because they're only a few days from debut and honestly, this should have been the last thing on Joon-Suho's head but he's there, and holding a present for him. He can't even figure out when he had the time to go out and buy it. “You didn't have to get me anything, hyung. It's nothing...I like to cook,” but he takes the offered apron anyway, if only so Joonmyun can stop looking so endearingly pained and he goes as far as putting it on to see how it'll look. It is nice, the pattern isn't really his style, but the thought is enough to make up for it.

“Yeah, well...” and the leader leaves it at that, makes a tamed flailing motion to explain the situation and Kyungsoo nods as though he understands everything.

“I'll cook your favorite tonight,” says Kyungsoo in response, and Joonmyun actually looks relieved.

///

the cleaning becomes secondary. It's not that everyone else loves to live in their own mess and filth, but it's just that he really, really hates to live in any semblance of the word 'mess' and 'filth', be it small or big and so it goes that he ends up putting on the gloves and scrubbing. The bathrooms are an easy target, and when he's not busy in the kitchen, there's something just as soothing and calming about cleaning, with the smell of lavender and pine and the sound of his voice echoing when he sings. He doesn't mind this either, not really, and he doesn't wait for the bathroom to get too out of control before he's at it again of his own volition.

Joonmyun is getting better about delegating tasks so he's often left without even that to do these days, finding someone else scrubbing away though without the same dedication and attention. (What's the point if he's only going to nitpick it and clean it himself, anyway? But Leader is leader.) So he busies himself in the living room, tidying the cushions or dusting, or wiping, really, there is growing list of things to do and clean outside of his room but with four other people sharing the dorms, the list doesn't grow appropriately.

He appreciates the chores being distributed but at the same time, it leaves him with less to do.

After a quick run-through of the bathroom, Kyungsoo exits with his gloves and a cleaner that smells like pine only to be met with Chanyeol, who then proceeds to push a notebook in his hands like they're playing hot potato with it. “Here,” he declares, and Kyungsoo struggles to carry everything he's holding. “Oh wait, crap, that didn't go right! Wait, give me your stuff,” and then Chanyeol proceeds to take everything back sans notebook.

“Um, I was just going to---”

“I know,” he cuts in and holds Kyungsoo's gloves and flaps them around with that huge grin on his face, “it's supposed to be my day to clean the bathrooms.”

Kyungsoo flushes at being caught, stumbles over several different sentences before he sighs pathetically and gives up. There really wasn't any point when he would just nitpick! They weren't as thorough as they needed to be, the tubs, under the sinks, behind the toilets... But he couldn't just tell Suho not to give out chores, that was part of the whole Leader-thing, surely it wasn't his place to butt in.

“You never do it right...” he starts, completely unapologetic as he looks down at the notebook he was given. It has a weird leopard-print book cover and he's suddenly afraid to look inside.

“Yeah...”

“No offense.”

“None taken.”

“So...” He looks down at the book pointedly and Chanyeol beams again, predictably, but big and warm all the same.

“It's a planner,” he says shortly, and Kyungsoo waits for him to continue...except he doesn't.

“Okay...for what?”

“Oh, yeah, like...an agenda? To keep your working and cleaning schedule together and there's even a small box on the side of each day that says 'On the Menu' where you can put what you're going to cook and stuff, and I thought it'd be useful and there's a part for notes, too, if you ever want to...you know, keep notes about things that happened...yeah...”

Kyungsoo stares. Chanyeol keeps grinning.

“Uh, thanks, Chanyeollie,” and there's not much else he can think of to say. The leopard-print book cover isn't really what he had in mind but it's kind of cool and a planner can be useful, but he really didn't have to get him anything. “If this is about the cleaning, I don't mind---”

“No! I just like you.”

“Oh,” and he tries to pretend he wasn't just stunned into silence.

“Yeah, and I thought you'd like something like that! The book cover was my idea, though. It looks nice, huh?”

Er, nice? “Yeah,” and he discards everything he ever thought about tacky prints, “I love it, it's awesome.”

Chanyeol laughs and flaps the gloves again.

///

the worrying sort of sneaks up on him. It's not that everyone else is careless and free and love to live without restraints but it's that he recognizes his limits and is careful and is practiced and after a while of being with these same people, he's starting to get an idea of what their limits are, too. He doesn't practice as much as Jongin. Really, he doesn't even spend as much time collectively as Jongin does on the same dances but that's to be expected, to an extent. Kai is the dancing machine so a lot more work has gone into what he does versus what Kyungsoo does.

The closer they get to debut, the longer Jongin's hours get and soon enough, Kyungsoo is leaving without him entirely. Going back to the dorm only to be knocked out before the other even gets there. Honestly, it's not really his business. Or so it feels, at first. They all work hard, as hard as they can to get to their common goal but he doesn't feel it is his place to tell Jongin when he's had enough. At least, not when it's so painfully clear to him just how much of a perfectionist the other kid is.

Jongin is so acutely aware of his own shortcomings. Kyungsoo doesn't know what to say.

He figures, the very least he can do is stay with him, and so he does. Sits up against the wall as Kai goes at it for another couple of hours when Kyungsoo was all but ready to call it a night. Sometimes, he dozes off in his seat, but mostly, he doesn't, instead watching the other go through the dances meticulously and without pause.

Secretly, he thinks there's no point in practicing so late that the next morning you're too tired to perform at 100%, but it's not his place to mention and a part of him understands the need to prove oneself. It's hard, he thinks. Jongin has it harder than others. And he looks worse for wear the following day, with less energy than the day before but he doesn't stop pushing himself. It must be exhausting. Just looking at him doing the same routine over and over is exhausting.

That's okay. The least he can do is stay with him.

Ask him to take a break, offer him a lunch he packed but didn't purposely eat so Jongin could have it. If he's not getting sleep, he needs to get carbs and lots of them. Kyungsoo knows, and prods, and urges a break, stays as long as Jongin does and they walk back home.

Kyungsoo thinks Jongin must be running on low, low, low, empty these days. But he's not brave enough, yet, to speak.

One day, he fails to stay behind. The magnae is quietly demanding his attention and so he goes back home with him, and can't fall asleep until he hears Jongin opening the door of their room, safely back home. For a month straight, he's been staying behind with him and so the next day, he prepares a bigger meal than usual to make up for his absence. Jongin's been looking a lot more tired lately, after all.

A little after midnight, Kyungsoo calls it quits and finds his regular spot to sit down and wait, eyes closing as he rests back. It's not ten minutes later that he hears the other speak, and it genuinely shocks him to wakefulness.

“It's getting late, isn't it?” Kai isn't facing him but Kyungsoo nods anyway, thinking it's his cue to get the food out so they can eat and the other can go back to practice. He's never spoken up this early before. As a matter of fact, it's usually somewhere around two in the morning before he stops. The sound of the lunch box hitting the dance floor echoes a bit and Jongin faces him, surprised.

“You brought something?”

“Yeah,” and he looks up, wonders why the other sounds so surprised at what has become routine to them, “It's spaghetti today. With meatballs because you're probably really hungry!”

Jongin doesn't say anything in return, simply stares down at the food. Kyungsoo is about the break out the utensils when the other does speak, clearly, though there's some kind of hesitation that Kyungsoo doesn't understand. “Let's eat it back home, yeah? You're probably tired.”

His eyes shoot up, trying not to look like someone that's been caught eating out of the cookie jar. “I'm fine, Jongin-ah, really. Just eat. I made it for you.”

There's a long silence, and it feels halting. It feels like they're both waiting for the other to take the first move, but Kyungsoo doesn't even know what the first move is supposed to be. He doesn't even know what game they're playing, let alone how to move. He always brought food for him, so...did he do something wrong? Was it because he left the other day? It was only one time, and sure, he was losing sleep but it wasn't a big deal, not when Jongin was working himself like crazy here all by myself. The least he could was stay with him, get him to eat, take a break. He hadn't meant to ditch him.

“Jongin, listen---”

“Hyung,” and that's enough to startle him, shut up him right up because Jongin doesn't make it a habit of calling him hyung, not when they're so close that they're a bit more like equals. Kyungsoo stops with his hand holding the forks, listening intently because the other boy is working too hard, and he's pushing himself too much, and he's not sleeping enough and he's a perfectionist craving for perfection and in need of sleep (but it's not Kyungsoo's place to say that and Jongin won't let him, won't let him in, won't let him mention it even if there's bags under his bags under his bags under his eyes and)--- “Hyung...

 _I'm_ tired.”

And he can feel the air around him still. Quiet.

Tired?

Jongin looks away, focuses his eyes on his reflection in the mirror for a split second like he's looking for something there. Something he can't find.

“Okay,” Kyungsoo breathes out, and he can't remember a time when he cleaned up faster than then, putting everything away before he faces Jongin with a smile and links their hands together, pulling him away from the room and his reflection. “I can heat it up for you in the microwave. It's a good late-night snack!”

Jongin laughs belatedly, but the sound is clear.

///

the mothering gives him confidence. It's not that everyone else is incapable of taking care of each other, but he's just exceptionally good at it, and he likes to do it when the recipient is more than willing to receive the attention. Which, as it just so happens, the magnae usually is.

He's also the youngest, which also works in his favor because it's not odd to baby the youngest member and pack snacks for them or feed them when they're hungry. So Kyungsoo takes to stuffing his pockets with those wafer cookies, small squares of chocolate, too, and the random bag of M&Ms that Sehun is particularly happy to munch on during car rides, and when they're home, it's nothing but fruits and veggies and balanced meals for the magnae.

No one really questions this, and it's easy to get away with it when the others take care of him, too. Unsurprisingly, this goes unnoticed for the most part.

“This isn't my best subject,” Kyungsoo says, even as he takes Sehun's notebook to look over the equations anyway.

“It's just some chemistry, hyung, but I really don't get it...”

“Okay, well...we can...um, look it up online?”

“Like cheating...?”

“No!” and his eyes bug out at the very idea, “I mean...like for help and guides. You didn't take very good notes so we can look online.”

“Oh, okay!” and the boy looks slightly enthused at the idea that they'll be able to finish his homework at a reasonable hour but one hour turns to two turns to three...

“Almost done!”

“I hate chemistry,” Sehun mutters and the other boy laughs and rustles his hair gently before quietly agreeing it was the worst. They only had one problem left, though, and so far, it hadn't been too difficult to understand. It was just a lot of work.

“Aaaand, we're done!” Kyungsoo cheers loudly, waking up Suho who promptly throws a pillow at them both before going back to sleep. He apologizes quickly before smiling at a snickering Sehun. How late was it anyway??

“Thanks, hyung. I can't imagine doing it on my own.”

“Glad to help. You want a snack before bed or something?” he asks, and motions to the kitchen with his head. Sehun pretends to think about it for a second before practically knocking him over on his rush to the door.

The next day, Sehun gives Kyungsoo a fake white rose. Kyungsoo stares at it like its alive and speaking to him.

“What's---”

“It was Parent's Day a couple days back,” Sehun says with his lisp alive and present. Kyungsoo's eyes shift all around before he nods, still not comprehending. “Don't you like white roses, hyung? This one is fake, so it won't ever die.”

“I...” blink, blink. “Yes. I like them. Thanks, Sehunnie.”

“Okay,” and they leave it at that.

///

the nagging is simply a side-effect. It's not that everyone else doesn't---actually, yes, it is. Kyungsoo starts to think he really is the nagger of their group. It's not such a scary revelation, really, but he tries to keep a reign on it when he notices he's getting out of hand. Except sometimes, even that gets away from him.

And this is how it really starts.

“You should get to bed,” he says, conversationally, in that tone you use when you mention the weather and how hot it's been getting lately. Baekhyun doesn't stir, doesn't even turn his head before he makes a humming noise and says something that sounds like 'yeah, okay'. And it's so noncommittal, but Kyungsoo deftly ignores it. There's a movie playing on the screen, and a Chanyeol dead and snoring on the carpet floor by Baekhyun's feet, stretched out and lazy like a huge, overgrown puppy.

With his toes, Kyungsoo nudges him. “Chanyeol-ah. Get to bed, please,” but this one comes out more like a command and Chanyeol shifts and sits up, instinctively reacting to the parenting tone before he finally registers Kyungsoo somewhere in his sleeping head. He blinks, slowly, sleepily, up at him. Another stream of blinks, mouth hanging open, and he's seeing Kyungsoo (surely, he must be) but somehow, he's sitting up and still half-asleep.

“Chanyeol,” Kyungsoo doesn't budge.

“Ah...” and the tall, lanky boy nods, feels around the carpet like he's looking for something before nodding again and standing up. “Okay,” he says, and smothers Kyungsoo in an affectionate hug, the sleepy weight almost too much for the shorter of the two to bear. Kyungsoo urges him off with another 'Go~' and Chanyeol is finally awake enough to flap his hands at him all the way back to his room like he's trying to fight off the smothering tone being used on him.

“You, too,” he starts, voice considerably easier because he's not as comfortable with Baekhyun as he is with everyone else. He doesn't feel right nagging him to bed when they're not more than coworkers at times.

“In a bit. I'm fine.”

“You need to sleep.”

“I will. I'm just not tired right now,” and he shifts a bit, stretches and sighs like he's more tired than even Kyungsoo is right then but he's not yet willing to succumb to sleep. It's stupid, it's really very pointless, but there's no use fighting it when even Chanyeol lost out the waiting battle, and Kyungsoo is really counting on too little hours of sleep to put up a second round on his behalf.

Besides, with four kids in bed, that's a good enough accomplishment, isn't it?

Should be.

With a resigned breath, Kyungsoo nods and shuffles off to his own bed to sleep. Baekhyun doesn't even spare him a glance.

And it keeps going this way.

“Baekhyun.”

“Hm?”

“Get some sleep.”

“In a bit. I'm not really sleepy yet.” Except he is, except he must be, because they don't get as much sleep as they should so how is it possible he's not tired?? And it's different this time, unlike those times with Kai, because he's a bit more confident, a bit more sure and secure in his role around here and they've gotten a chance to get to know each other and really, really, Baekhyun needs to sleep. He's been doing this on-and-off for the past two weeks, and with all their fansignings and schedules, how does he expect to stay in good health this way??

“You look half-dead right now. How can you tell me you're not tired?” he starts, tone a little testy and in full-on parenting mode.

Baekhyun (unpredictably) doesn't take this the right way. “I'm not tired,” and his eyes narrow, dangerously, something that Kyungsoo isn't used to around here at all. Not to say nobody gives him a hard time but...honestly, no one really does. He's sort of made his place around here and this is uncommon. Sure, Baekhyun and Kyungsoo have known each other the least out of all of them but...

He doesn't know what to say. Baekhyun goes back to the TV, eyes droopy and tired. Kyungsoo goes back to bed.

He doesn't even say goodnight.

He starts to consider that maybe he fell into his role too well. He still calls his mom and dad, they still tell him to take care of himself and his dad still reminds him to eat plenty of fiber. It's as it's always been, but...his eyes shift to Kai, bugging and poking and pulling at various places on Sehun while the other whines as they wait for the food Kyungsoo is cooking. It's Suho's favorite today because it's Saturday and someone had found his planner and declared all Saturdays Suho Day, and all Tuesdays, Thursdays, Fridays, and Sundays, Chanyeol Day in handwriting that was so ridiculously messy and sloppy Kyungsoo had half a mind to ignore it completely (but predictably, didn't). Absently, he thinks Chanyeol should have spared a day for Baekhyun, too. But then he sees the boy in question bypass the kitchen completely out of the corner of his eye, and disregards that thought.

“Hyung!! Tell Jongin to leave me alone!” Sehun cries, his lisp painfully obvious when he's distressed as he is, Jongin tugging at his nose with a random laugh that sounds more delighted than it should.

“Don't bother umma, you brat, he's cooking~” Jongin croons, trying to put his hand over Sehun's mouth now, to effectively shut him up. Kyungsoo smiles at them, but the motion feels strained and odd on his face. He doesn't feel right suddenly.

The smile falls flat. Jongin notices.

“The food's almost ready, you guys,” he says instead, with his back to them, quietly enough that the magnae both strain to hear him, settling down in their seats as they exchange curious looks. They don't make another sound until Suho arrives.

He starts thinking too much, and it shows.

///

“What's up?” It's no surprise that he's cornered, Jongin's in front of the only way out of their room and with an expression serious enough that it gives Kyungsoo pause.

“Nothing...?” he tries, the surprised look on his face not far off from how he was really feeling. He had no idea what the other could be talking about because clearly, he hadn't been so obvious in his space cadet business as to be called out on it, right? Sure. Not at all.

“Something's bugging you,” but the way Jongin says it is interesting. Almost apologetically, sorry, like it was somehow his fault and Kyungsoo knows that couldn't be further from the truth.

“I'm fine, Jongin-ah. Nothing is bugging me.”

“I know something is.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You cooked spaghetti today.”

Kyungsoo blinked at him. Seriously. Spaghetti? So? “Um, okay?”

“Today is Magnae Monday.”

“I...” What? “Your favorite is spaghetti.”

“Sehun asked you to cook gyudon.”

“No, he didn't,” and Kyungsoo fumbles a bit with his words, tries to make sense of what's going on because surely, Jongin isn't accusing him of something when he hasn't done anything at all! Magnae Monday was for the both of them and since Sehun hadn't requested anything, Kyungsoo had defaulted to Kai's favorite.

“Hyung,” and it's that word again, and Kyungsoo sits back down when he realizes he stood up, “Sehun said his mom would always cook him gyudon after a big week of testing and he finished testing last week. You know he did. You're the first one he went to after his parents. Said something about the chemistry test being a cakewalk.”

“Okay,” and he swallows thickly, prepares himself for the words he's about to say though his heart is screaming at him, “So what, Jongin?”

The surprise on the other's face is unexpected. (Everything these days is unexpected.) “So...” Jongin stops, and stares him down until Kyungsoo looks away. “So what? This isn't like you, hyung. What's going on? You always pay attention...to everything! Especially to Sehun, and he makes this casual remark and you don't catch the hint? That's not right. Something's not right.”

“It was a casual remark, how was---”

“You've caught more hidden things.”

“Jongin---”

“Tell me...you honestly didn't catch that. Tell me you haven't been holing yourself up in your room this past week, haven't been taking your dinner to your room instead of eating with us, haven't been sleeping earlier than everyone else...haven't been quiet during Suho hyung's little meetings, haven't been keeping order around here, randomly cleaning up, washing---”

“I'm not your mom!”

And the exclamation startles them both. Jongin takes a step back at the shout, and Kyungsoo suddenly feels ashamed.

“Okay,” Jongin says, simply, nods a bit but doesn't say anything else. He's stunned, Kyungsoo can tell.

“I'm not,” he repeats, for some reason unknown to even him. His brain is screaming at him but he can't even make sense of that.

“I know you're not.”

“Then...quit treating me that way. Quit...you guys need to quit making me feel that way.” Even this, he thinks stupidly, even this, doesn't make any fucking sense but they need to understand---they need to understand that---that---they can't make him feel special and useful and then take that away---

“Make you feel like what? Do we make you feel like you need to look after us? Is that it? Are you tired of it?” and a part of it sounds betrayed, he can't be imagining that, the look on Jongin's face doesn't say as much but his voice does. And he feels ashamed all over again, wants to throw up or cry or both and just try to explain everything that he's feeling.

“Of course not! I'm not...I'm not tired of anything. I...I just care about you guys and...doesn't it bug you?” His voice is small and quiet, much like his form, sort of huddling into itself at Jongin's pressure. The other boy stares, confused.

“Does it bug us that you cook for us? That you clean, that you look after us, that you...sneak snacks for Suho hyung and Sehunnie and think no one notices---well okay, that one kind of bothers me---”

“I'm being serious, Jongin.”

“I'm being serious, too, hyung. Are you even listening to yourself? Bother us?? You...” he fumbles, Kyungsoo's gaze fixed on the ground, “You take care of us. Don't be stupid, okay?”

The laugh that bubbles out is worried, “Call me 'stupid' one more time and no desserts for a week.”

“I'm being serious, hyung,” and Jongin laughs, too, but the sound is just as strained.

“But I nag you guys so much and...”

“That's okay, you know? I don't think it bothers the usual suspects.” And suddenly, things make a lot more sense.

“Right,” says Kyungsoo, with a set frown.

“Don't worry, hyung...Some people just need time.”

Startled eyes shoot to the boy laughing his way to his bed, “What?”

“Oh, nothing~”

///

Afterward, he thinks (with a resolute nod) that he can spare some time.

Baekhyun is up again, no Chanyeol in sight but the TV is showing something that looks too uninteresting to be up for at this hour. Kyungsoo lingers a bit at the entrance to the room, shifting his weight from one foot to the other as he waits.

For what, he's not sure of exactly.

“Hey,” he starts, just as the commercials come on and the bottoms of his feet start to hurt from standing in one place so long. “What are you watching?”

Baekhyun doesn't turn from his position on the couch. “Just some show.”

“Oh,” and there's not much to go on from there so he takes a seat, thinks about asking if he can but it is the couch in the 'family room' (as Suho likes to call it) after all, so he doesn't. “What's it about?” he tries again, but the other boy only makes an uninterested sound.

The show comes back on and it's about some kind of wildlife, something about preserving nature and the life it brings. Nothing Kyungsoo is too interested in but he watches it for the sake of watching it and Baekhyun remains impressively quiet. He must have trouble sleeping, Kyungsoo reasons. Maybe something is keeping him up. Or maybe something is keeping him thinking.

Kyungsoo is brought back to the days he'd stay up with Kai, and he spends this time in the same way, some days drifting off on the couch (waking up only after the click of the TV remote), but most days wide-awake and watching whatever nonsense is on at that hour. Baekhyun doesn't talk much to him, doesn't make conversation, and doesn't say goodnight.

It starts taking its toll.

One night, Kyungsoo brings a channel guide with him and everyone is fast asleep except for Baekhyun, and he thinks that today he can hopefully get some words out of him that weren't just cleverly disguised grunts. “There's this show...on houses and redecorating on channel thirty-two...ah, would you...?” Baekhyun gives him a look and it certainly feels like progress, though he looks mostly surprised that Kyungsoo is talking at all.

“Okay, I guess,” he says and maybe it's a bit premature, but Kyungsoo counts it as a small victory.

“Cool, they talk about how to save money around the house and...” Kyungsoo fills the next couple of hours with his chatter, not minding talking to someone that was essentially unresponsive because he's happy to share an interest even if Baekhyun could really care less about saving money with the right lightbulbs. It's the thought that counts. After a while, Baekhyun starts to nod along like he's listening.

Kyungsoo almost grins at him.

They go to bed a little earlier than usual that night.

They watch the show every night until they start recognizing reruns and switch over to a late-night cooking show. Kyungsoo fills the night with his talking again, easily. Baekhyun starts to hum at the proper intervals.

When even this show is tired out, it's to Kyungsoo's surprise that Baekhyun presents a DVD, some kind of animal documentary and Kyungsoo almost trips over himself in his hurry to agree to watch with him.

It's a snoozefest.

Several times, Kyungsoo's head lolls to the side but he starts to suspect it's the late nights that's working their magic rather than how boring the documentary is (even if it really is pretty boring). Baekhyun pokes his arm every time the other starts to drift to sleep, and Kyungsoo snaps right back to attention each and every time. He'll stay up happily if it means that Baekhyun is starting to warm up to him, and even better, forgive him for his earlier nagging. He's starting to understand that there's something wrong, but Baekhyun isn't letting him in and Kyungsoo knows better than to pry.

The next night, Baekhyun presents another DVD, and the next night, Jongin also shows up.

This documentary is considerably less boring, and Kyungsoo's attention is on it and off sleep. There's no conversation tonight, only the sounds of Jongin eating some of the leftovers of Magnae Monday. After he's finished, Jongin retreats to the kitchen to wash his plate and comes right back out to the couch. There's enough space for him to lay down and so he does, half of him on Kyungsoo's lap and the other half on the couch, legs folded so they don't bother Baekhyun.

Kyungsoo alternates between running his fingers through Jongin's hair and paying attention, because Baekhyun had mentioned last night how he had been interested in becoming a vet and this is more than he's ever really shared with him. Kyungsoo tries to start up a conversation but Jongin is fast asleep on his lap and Baekhyun is unusually unresponsive again. The night moves slowly.

The next couple of nights sees no Baekhyun on the couch and so Kyungsoo catches up on sleep. He wonders idly the next morning if something's going on, but Baekhyun is as cheery and approachable as he's always been in the day, it's only during the evenings that his behavior starts to shift strangely.

Chanyeol tells him that Baekhyun's been moving around a lot in his bed and doesn't let him sleep (with a whine and a pout like 'Do something, Kyungsoo-ya!') but Kyungsoo doesn't know how to bring it up. A couple of weeks, and still no late nights. The dorm seems to be moving smoothly, with only Baekhyun's apparent tiredness showing itself periodically. The others are tired, too, but Baekhyun is fighting a losing battle.

It's going to be a long night, and Kyungsoo sits in the living room alone and with some kind of animal documentary they were showing on TV.

Baekhyun eventually joins him.

“Hey,” Kyungsoo says, pretending this was a normal occurrence again. Baekhyun nods in his direction. “Couldn't sleep?”

There's a sort of calculating look, like Baekhyun is trying to decide how much information to divulge. “No, not really.”

“Me neither,” he lies.

The rest of the show goes by in silence and when it's over, Kyungsoo stands to go to bed. He thinks, with a sort of regret, that he's starting to get it.

“Are you going to bed?”

The question freezes him in place. Kyungsoo looks back, and hesitates. “Yeah. It's late.”

Baekhyun nods in agreement, but it looks as though he wants to say something else so Kyungsoo waits. “There's going to be a new episode of that cooking show on next,” he says.

“Do you want me to stay?”

Baekhyun looks over, scratches a spot behind his ears before shrugging but it's not good enough, not when Kyungsoo knows why Baekhyun's kept to his room the past weeks instead of coming outside. “If you want.”

“That's not what I asked, though.”

Kyungsoo can feel the other hesitate.

“All I do...is think, you know? The time I'm out here...I just think about things. I miss my family but they're kind of busy and I can't be calling them at crazy hours. So I sit here and stuff...try to get my head together before another day. That's not a bad thing, right? Sorry.”

“No, it's not---”

“I mean...sorry about that whole thing a while back...I know you're just trying to help but I don't need someone looking out for me like that. I'm fine.” He leaves no room for arguments, but his voice is somehow small and quiet.

“Yeah,” he breathes out, nodding slowly, still stuck in that same place as before. “I didn't mean...to impose, or...try to bug you or anything. I understand.” Especially after Chanyeol told him the other boy had taken to staying up in their room instead of the living room. He wanted to be alone. That made sense. But Kyungsoo couldn't let it be, and now he was feeling out of place for all sorts of different reasons. He should have just given him his space right from the start.

“Anyway,” Baekhyun starts, looking suddenly uncomfortable as he keeps his eyes trained on the TV, “You know---”

“It's fine, Baekhyun. Don't worry, I'll leave.” He feels like he's being crushed somehow, and he figures it's the force of his own stupidity. Strange thing. Had he always been this eager to get into other people's business?

“Kyungsoo,” and the other comes to a halt, “Can you...stay...for a bit?”

“What?”

“If you want, just...for a while...I don't want to keep you up if you're tired.”

Kyungsoo laughs, he can't help it, he just does and walks over to the couch just as Baekhyun changes it to that one obnoxious cooking show. “I'm not tired,” he says easily, relieved, sitting down with a comfortable distance between them.

“Good,” Baekhyun mutters, and catches Kyungsoo off-guard when he lays his head down on the other's lap, eyes droopy and sleepy as they try to focus on the TV. “Because I am.”


End file.
